Lay It Down

This week marks "Forgiveness Week," part of our spiritual emphasis week at EU. I went to service Tuesday night and was blown away. The main point was that we need to lay things down, whether it's unforgiveness towards God or a person. I laid down some circumstances that have caused bitterness from me towards God. I gave Him my worry and hurt. Today I heard some news that hurt, once again. It feels like the minute we lay it down, the devil throws it back at our face! This is when I promised God I would truly rely on Him. I ran to my room to spend time with God and this old hymn that came to my mind really comforted me and is now written on my mirror:

"God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.
He works in ways, we cannot see. He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side.
With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way!"

MISs YoU

With student teaching not yet underway, I find myself somehow so busy! Today I spent most of my day completing an assignment for my seminar and filling out an application for Kane County schools. That's only one of many districts I plan on applying to. Also, I have to figure out how to work with certification in Illinois. It's not easy. All of this makes me miss my mommy and daddy. They dont do things for me, but they are willing to listen and to support me, to keep my eyes on the long run! I LOVE MY PARENTS!

Interesting Thoughts

I took some of my new girls out to coffee tonight, to talk about Evangel's rules, but to ultimately get to know them. I hate that they see me a semester, one in which I am most busy, and then I'm gone. I want to leave an impact. One of my girls, Jocelyn, is an MK from Thailand. She has lived there most of her life and has only recently in the last few months, lived in the U.S. I loved her insights and quirks. She said the simplest things are the hardest to adjust to. For example, she has been used to cold showers (due to the humidity, no one wants a hot shower there), warm toilet seats, tropical rain, only using your right hand (the left is considered unclean), and has had to learn to use a soda machine. I've never thought of how the little things can be so difficult to understand and become accustomed to. I mean, I was only in El Salvador for 10 days and I couldn't force myself to get used to using a different type of bathroom (which is why I foolishly did not use it at all). She also talked a lot about the Buddhist religion, which is much different in Thailand than in countries such as China. An intersting fact: They believe that Jesus must have been someone terrible in a past life, because when he was on Earth he suffered much, meaning that he had bad karma and had to live in suffering in the next life. I never thought about that. They believe Jesus existed, but do not believe he was a great and holy man (this sounds all too common in the U.S. today- which is an even scarier thought).

Student teaching quote of the week: (from one of my third grade students). As we were completeing a worksheet describing ourselves, our hair color, our eye color, our favorite activities and foods, and so forth, Michael asked me what I thought his hair color was. I replied,
"Well you are describing you, so what do you think?"
His friend turned to him and said,
"I think you're a blonde, Michael."
Michael, with his pencil scratching his temples as if in deep thought said,
"No, I think I'm more a dirty blonde."

Me??!?!?!!?!

It isn't always a privilege to be one people turn to, the one who is supposed to have all the answers, the one who can put it into perspective. As an RA I've been counted on to be an accountability partner, a friend, a tour guide, a source of reference, a spiritual encouragement, and a Magellan of solving conflict. Every time I speak, I try to be articulate, patient, and often end up tongue-tied and later wishing I had added a last bit of information I forgot. I just pray that each time a girl leaves a conversation with me that she feels I have been a positive source, a helpful and understanding one. There's no greater fear than to think you may have been useless or have not done your job to alleviate worry or failed to help make a decision. Although this may seem like a very respectable place to be, which I do value and feel blessed for, it's also one that requires constant prayer for wisdom and discernment. I have had girls leave thanking me and I have had girls leave dissatisfied and disagreeing. I just pray that as my time here and my opportunities in this position come to an end, that I would finish the race strong and would impart wisdom and love into each girls' heart....that God would ultimately guide my tongue and my confidence!

When Life Throws You Lemons

I don't necessarily agree with the age-old adage, "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade." What if you don't want either lemons or lemonade? Are you supposed to act content or put on a facade? Rather, are you supposed to succumb making a choice of what the world presents you? I'm not necessarily saying that we should throw them back, but what do you do with them if it you don't believe it's okay to have lemons? What do you do with that conviction? Although this questioning may seem quite abstract, it's roots, I believe lie within human condition.... the human condition is to either accept or in a less supported manner, deny what we are thrown. Human condition also commonly rests on a desire to fulfill the need of belonging and acceptance. How much harder does this make our decision? When in fact our decision includes emotions and affects others, how much harder is it then?

Busy Day

Danielle and I ran to go shopping today....which ended up being 4 hours of random shopping. First we ran to the puppy store and took out a mastiff....GINORMOUS! Then we ran to the mall...and if I may be honest there is nothing I hate more than running into anyone and everyone while shopping. It's always awkward...especially if they happen to be people you've been avoiding or people you haven't seen in years. This seems to be more than common in Springfield, seeing as there is one and only one mall, which encompasses all there is to do on a Saturday afternoon. You can't escape....no matter where you go, there is always someone from Evangel. Then we went to dinner with some friends with a friend in from out of town. Our friend Chris, who we never imagined having such a transformation, filled us in on his new aspirations. A boy we never though would graduate from school nor gain an ounce of common sense (he is what we call a "blonde"), is now only 1 year shy of becoming a youth pastor and has so much drive and passion. What an encouragement to know that we each have a plan despite what the world labels us.

Gettin' Back To Business

Yesterday was my first full day in the classroom. It was a long day, but I realized that even when I'm tired and don't want to go to "work", after 15 minutes with those kids, I know it's where I'm supposed to be. God is truly reaffirming what my vocation is. Before leaving for college my mom continued to tell me that I should be a lawyer, or a doctor, because I have the brains and because she has high hopes for my future. Needless to say, I think she was quite shocked when I chose teaching. I know however, that she understands. I may not make millions but I will impact the life of a child and love what I do. There is no greater reward!

It's Been A While

After taking a sabbatical from blogging, for no good reason other than laziness, procrastination and the holidays, I have returned to the world of electronic journaling. Christmas was perfect! Although I miss my family now that I"m back here at school. Even though this is the 80th time i've had to leave home for a semester, I couldn't help but tear up while hugging my Dad goodbye. I thought I was ok until i looked back int he rearview mirror to see my Dad still watching from the door to make sure we got on the road saffely. My parents are so special, the way they love us all so much! Now i"m back at school. After a whirlwind of chaotic weather related events, the new semester is underway. As soon as I got back to school, I wasted no time before cleaning out my room from top to bottom, clothes and all. Once I get going, I love to organize. It makes for a less stressful beginning of the semester. Then on Monday, the bad weather began. It was crazy. Tornado sirens went off all day. Despite the warnings, my friends and I went out to eat and to watch the football game. Then at like 2:30 am the sirens went off again, ,the parking lot lights went out and I had to evacuate all my girls down to the first floors. It was crazy! O, the joys of living in Springfield....only 14 more weeks! Today is our first day of Student Teaching seminar. SO BORING!!! It drags on from 9-3, which feels more like couped up in a "no talking" library. I'd rather be in detention...reliving "Breakfast Club." Tomorrow is my first full day in my classroom and I"m so excited! I missed the kids over break, but the sad thing is you never know who will and won't be there. In this area, moving schools happens so frequently that in the last semester alone 2 children moved out of our class to another school and 3 new students moved into our classroom. Let the fun begin!